Nominate me! Nominate me!

by Stacie

As I read Lanny Davis' Top 10 Reasons Why The Process The Democrats Use Is Insufficient Because Hillary Can't Win It (h/t Cole, see below), I thought exactly what I always think when a candidate, campaign, or party goes entirely off the deep end with the burning, burning stupid. I thought: Nominate Me!

So here's my Top 10 List of Undisputed Facts Showing Barack Obama's Weakness Against Me In The Primary Race.

10. He's beaten me in exactly zero head-to-head matchups so far this year.
9. My delegates are prettier.
8. White people don't like him. Haven't you heard? He's black.
7. I have truly amazing hair. Barack, though not balding as far as I can tell, has very little of the stuff. Not sure about body hair, though I'm proud to say that what little I have is also awesome.
6. No one's ever accused me of giving "whoop-de-doo speeches." That would hurt my feelings.
5. No Rezco scandal here. Like I could get a guy like that return my phone calls.
4. Barack Obama said that some small town Americans are bitter, and to prove this is false, the Clinton campaign now insists that those same people will never forgive such a use of language and wouldn't vote for the speaker. Dude, I think small-town Americans are frigging rock stars who never do anything out of bitterness or wrong-headedness. I'm just in a city because I like to make money, but I certainly don't think rural folks with their limited opportunities are bitter. That's just silly.
3. Just because he's like 1600 delegates ahead of me doesn't mean I can't pull it out.
2. I met a superdelegate once. I believe I have an inside track there.
1. Obama outspent me by exactly every penny he spent in the state of Pennsylvania, and I didn't die. I'm not dead. I'm still alive enough to write this list. Clearly he's a weak candidate.